Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
