why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
