Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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