Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
