how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize