Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm having to shit out rocks
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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