I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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