Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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