Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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