Your dad touched me again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
