Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
