Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
