I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
