4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
