Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
