i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
