Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
