You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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