I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
