why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
