dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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