You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
