Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
