Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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