its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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