there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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