Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
