I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
