Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you traded sex for a burrito?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
