Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
