someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
