Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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