So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
