So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
