Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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