shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
