You're completely useless in the revolution.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize