I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
