i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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