two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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