Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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