He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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