she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
