I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
