butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
