Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
