im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
