I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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