What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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