Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
