I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize