Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
