he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
