Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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