Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
