shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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