if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
