I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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