babies were throwing up all over the place
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
