the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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