my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
