Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
