I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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