Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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