Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
