I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
