I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
