why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
