I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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