I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
