this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
