i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
