apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I love you. Go after that dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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