i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
