You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
