New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wear drunk well.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
