New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
