Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
