Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
