found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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