K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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