Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
