I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
