when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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