And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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