I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
