Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
