Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
