Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
