"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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