His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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