I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize