By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
