Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
