i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
