she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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