I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize