he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
