you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
