Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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